I love you, my non-toad, non-git, very much a real Superman. Please don’t make me run off with some other guy. ;) Though FOR THE RECORD, pal… you’re a few months older than I am. So whatever. If one of us is getting dementia, it’s going to be your old ass first. 

I may be old, but I’m still pretty sexy and know what I want. You. And I’d never send you to anyone else to be loved. I much prefer to keep you here with me always.

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He sounds like just a completely atrocious toad, a git of the highest caliber that you should just… Ha, I can’t do it, I tried, it was admirable. I love you.


And your skin remains radiant and wrinkle free! I’d be happy if I were you. Whatever you’re doing works great, keep it up! I love food too much to be overly careful, but I’ll sweat it out in other ways.


Exactly, that other guy would never. I’m sure he’s old, run down, out of shape with terribly curly hair and scruff that you don’t like anyway.


Ah, shit, I guess you’re right. I guess it was some other tall, dark, and handsome guy that I went to Italy with. My mistake.

They say dementia is the first sign of getting old. You may want to consider settling down soon with that guy, let him love you for the rest of your lives together and all that. Just a strong suggestion, of course.


That actually always blew my mind. Vampires sort of abhor the sun, yes? So why are they all so tan? Look at Paul Wesley, he’s like seriously dark completed. Give me a proper pale vampire anyday! And you’re very welcome, you earn the compliment, though. I do eat… a lot… I just tend to work out a lot and sweat it off even when not training for a physically intense role.

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Oh you know the girls would of gone bonkers with that one, that would of been one category i would of been happy not to be in ha Oh dear, well i hope your okay aside from the embarrassment

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From my stint in the Tudors, I actually could have been nominated there, too! But I’ll stick with winning ‘best hero’. Beyond that, I’m fine, thank you for asking!


That doesn’t sound good, did many people notice?

Nah, not too many, just Hollywood and the four Network camera that were on me!


I don’t know how you were even able to do… anything. I’m pretty sure I could sleep for a week. You really are Superman. 

I have no clue what you’re on about, Kunis. I’m certainly not.


It sounds like you had a wonderful place to tan. I remember a few scenes of you in TVD in your, em, unmentionables. You seem in a rather good shape in my opinion. And Italy was beautiful, I went with my girlfriend on our first trip as a ‘couple’. Far too much wine and food, I’ll be the plump one you see rolling through hollywood soon.